The Gift of Empathy

They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel. -- Carl W. Buechner

When people ask me what it takes to be a good speaker, I have one immediate response: empathy. I love when a speaker makes an audience feel that even though they maybe haven't experienced the same joys and heartaches, that they can still understand. For too many people, a mic in hand makes them want to demonstrate expertise rather than empathy and it alienates listeners. I'm not talking about mushy, silly, support-group sympathy...but rather an awareness that life is sometimes really hard and terribly unfair and an acknowledgment that I don't have it all figured out but I know that God is good even in the questions.

This kind of gift isn't necessarily expressed with words. It's what happens when the 75-year-old widow in the audience feels not just "taught" but seen and known and loved. That doesn't come from using a well-placed illustration about visiting a nursing home...it's a supernatural thing. Beth Moore has it. You watch her and you feel almost immediately that she would understand you and that if you had coffee together she would maybe speak some hard truth, but she would do it in a way that brought life.

I think youth pastors blow it in this one a lot. In an effort to communicate truth, they lose their grip on love and it's the rare teenager that can swallow one without the other. Empathy. It's brilliant and I have asked the Holy Spirit to let me carry it inside every word.

And speaking of speaking to youth: stick around this week for a guest post from a young woman who is an up-and-coming speaker and is going to share honestly the toughest parts about standing in front of the adolescent set and hoping to goodness they're willing to listen.

Happy Monday!

Bo